Posted by: Brett | September 27, 2009

It’s Not All Sunshine and F-ing Roses.

B’s ProTip#17: London’s Gatwick Airport– this place is an absolute shite hole, avoid it at all costs, unless what you’re really looking for is the “International Museum of Ineptitude, Inefficiency, and Poor Planning” in that case, knock yourself out.  Be sure to check out the exhibit where on a Friday afternoon with multiple international flights arriving, they only have SIX out of 19 passport control booths manned.  The line was 60 to 90 minutes.  The people who only had 60 minutes to make their connecting flights especially enjoyed this exhibit.  I say again avoid this airport if you can.

B’s ProTip#78: RyanAir– Sweet F-ing Christ! Who the F decided it would be a good idea to give these people an airline charter?  Seriously, I wanna know the reasoning.  It would be a fascinating study in market place psychology on just exactly how much shit a paying customer will take from their service provider before flipping out and deciding to end it all there in their little plastic airline seat (seatbelts provided at extra cost) by bashing their heads in against the back of the plastic fluorescent yellow seat back in front of them.  Trying to sell me perfume from a cart after charging me $4.50 for a small bottle of water,  seriously?  And I’m no expert but if they’d splurge a few more dollars and hire some capable pilots the money they’d save in tires and maintenance (the kid thought he was Jester from TopGun) would more than make up for it. This airline is so bad, that if you fail to make it thru any one of the multiple hoops, from ticket purchase to take off (I kid you not, I saw multiple people get nailed) you will end up eating a hefty fine IF they deign to let you on the “aircraft” at all.  To be fair, the aircraft was new, it’s like little bitty RyanAir with their $45 went to Boeing and said give us the cheapest, dinkiest, plasticiest, thing coming off your lines; then add 50% more seats in the same cheap space and 95% more plastic and do it for pennies you monkeys!  And Boeing, happy to be actually producing something other than the ‘Dreamliner’ (snicker) was like “YES SAH!” 

Please, avoid RyanAir at all costs.  This company is a proxy for Ireland’s economy and like Ireland’s economy was poorly planned and rapidly executed.  This is not what you want in your airline company. 

Quik history lesson: the Boeing 787 or DreamLiner was to be the crown jewel of the Boeing line, it is now the most delayed aircraft never to (yet) reach production.  Thank you for reading, now here’s your dessert:

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Responses

  1. I see there is more than one colorful journalist in the family. What WAS your major anyway? Hope you are feeling better.

  2. Hilarious Brett! Thanks for the good advice. Hope you’re feeling better. I’m really enjoying following your travels.

  3. OMG! You are so right!!! I call them the Playskool airline.

  4. THAT’S IT! I couldn’t put my finger on it but I think Playskool is it, I felt like they should have come down the isle with things of Play Doh. It’d a made more friggin sense than perfume.

  5. Gatwick Airport was just sold to the highest bidder.


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